Musings from the Moon

Be thankful…..be very, very thankful that I have no TIVO or DV-whatever for recording purposes. I was forced to watch the Yard Sale episode TWICE in order to do this recap. The first draft, after the first viewing was a novel. Lucky you! Because I decided this episode can be summed up in three words-

WTF?

Kate mentions having a yard sale every year, over and over. Okay? Can a family of 10 really amass enough stuff to fill a 17-ft U-Haul truck in one year? Specifically since Kate says it is donated and sent items. Jon says this is the first time he’s been willing to get rid of stuff, because he is sentimenta, at which point Kate does the creepy face stroke gesture and makes some snarky cooing noises.

I do have to digress slightly and mention Jon’s hair. Did anyone else get the impression he was channeling Elvis? Albeit, a mini Elvis but definitely it had been styled. From the 50’s. Kate of course, is still working that stiff piece of bang thing on the side of her head. Every time I see it I can’t help but think of that scene in There’s Something About Mary………..’nuff said.

Jon & Kate minus the 8 but plus Carla pull out of the driveway only 20 minutes after Jon’s scheduled departure time. It was good to see Carla although as Kate says, Carla was a good yard sale helper and “she was willing to be there”. WTF? Willing? Or there was no one left to call?

Within the first 9 minutes Kate was irritated and pretty much stayed that way through out. She reminded us of that fact, ad nauseum. The tables arrived late. The tables are filthy. There were no table cloths. There were no customers. She does admit to not having advertised well enough. Too bad, considering you were raising money for the Pediatric Cancer Foundation’s Sunshine Project. The signage didn’t even mention the correct name of the organization WTF?. I think what put her over the edge was the signs they had printed up that were misspelled. ProDceeds instead of Proceeds. WTF? Guess you don’t check those things if it isn’t your money you are forking over to pay for them.

The misspelled signs took up quite a chunk of time. Kate wanted to throw them away because she couldn’t have “ a stinking misspelled sign”. This from a woman who continues to butcher the English language. I believe in the end, Carla’s cooler head prevailed and they doctored them up with stickers. They looked fine. And during the couch break when Jon mentions the filthy tables, Kate reaches over and smacks his leg and says it was fine. WTF?? Maybe the meds kicked in by then.

The truck is unloaded, the tables are covered with paper and 8 o’clock comes and goes with only a “stray person here and there”. Kate says the lack of people is “very panicking” for her. She’s still irritated because she doesn’t want to have to deal with all the stuff that doesn’t sell. WTF? How about being irritated that you won’t be making much money for your charity?

Someone (insert Carla or one of the crew) finally gets the brilliant idea to call a local radio station to see if they will advertise the sale on air. Which they agree to do. Switch to the couch where Kate explains why she called them and then has to tell them, “ No, it’s not to promote the show—-we don’t need to!!” Alrighty then Queen Bee!

Jon has left to get the kids so they can be there to watch charity and giving back in action. We will learn later that in one of his more brilliant moments he forgot to bring their lunch back. Hmmmmmm? Honest mistake or part of the master plan?? You be the judge.

It turns out to be the opportunity for Kate to snark to the camera, “Aren’t men lovely?” WTF woman! This guy loaded the 17-ft truck, unloaded the 17-ft truck and reloaded the 17-ft truck. Some men ARE lovely!

Jon and the kids (sans lunch!!) arrive back at the yard sale. The little kids glance at the items for sale with nary a whiny peep and they are off to the play ground. Perhaps when you have so much stuff you aren’t as upset to get rid of some of it. The twins on the other hand have a bone to pick with their mother.

Seems Mady notices some ballerina slipper Christmas ornaments for sale and she asks her mom, point blank, about it. “Why are you selling these, Poppy gave them to us?” And as Kate is so fond of doing, she ignores the child completely. So, Mady, with Cara in tow, goes to John and says the same thing. He doesn’t seem to really know what she is talking about and tells her to “go talk to mom”. Determined child that she is, Mady marches back over to her mom and wants an answer. Kate mumbles something about Poppy giving them plenty of ornaments and something about ‘dust’. Mady doesn’t give the impression she is going to back down so Kate, begrudgingly, hands her the ornaments. On the couch she makes sure to tell us all that they’ll be leaving a glitter trail everywhere.

Admittedly I am not a psychiatrist but that back and forth was very telling in my book. Kate places very little or no value on familial ties. Poppy is obviously one of the grandfathers who is no longer a part of the children’s lives. It meant something to Mady. It didn’t mean anything to Kate.

Jon gets to leave with the little kids for lunch and naps. He’ll have to return later but hey, forgetting the lunches was a brilliant idea! People finally start showing up. Kate never takes the time to mark prices for her yearly yard sales ( Okay! We get it! ) and it seems people were very fair in what they offered for items. Jon says some people just drove up and gave money for the charity without buying anything. There are car seats, riding toys, climbing toys, toy toys, shoes, clothes (oh, the clothes!), supplies for sale. Even a karaoke machine! And let’s not forget the “one of a kind triplet strollers. Custom made.” You know, “the ones we got 1000’s of emails asking about “ according to Kate. There is also the first yellow plastic slide the twins ever had. Jon gets sentimental while loading it in the truck because his dad was around during that time and he misses his dad. But if you listened closely he does say, “I don’t want to have to move it”.

This is the “AHA” moment for me. It wasn’t a yard sale. It was a moving sale!!! The fact that they didn’t want to have to lug a truck load of old, icky stuff to the shiny, new mansion makes sense to me! And if we can combine it with some damage control, I mean charitable giving, well, hell. What are we waiting for?

As things wind down and the truck is packed again (that Jon is a real trooper!) Kate looks towards the camera and asks about wanting to know how much they made. I figure it was so it could be announced for the entire world to hear. Because it’s important to be loud and proud about your giving back, riiiiii-ght?

After mentioning how she hates to touch money ( I soooo want to go there but I won’t! )
she and Carla sit down and count it out. $1106.56 which includes money from Cara & Mady’s drink table, which was their part in the giving lesson.

In the last couch session Jon says he won bragging rights because he guessed closest to the total amount earned and says that they’ll have to do this again next year. At which point Kate, reminds us all, once again, that they have a yard sale every year.

This was, in my opinion, THE most boring episode ever and for me proves that there is NO show without the tups. Watching Jon & Kate for ½ hour was painfully painful. Twice was horrendously painful. It was good to see Carla though!